On November 13th, the Compassionate Week at VUB begins. During this week, numerous lectures, workshops, and activities are organized to make serious illness, death, loss, and caregiving discussable within our VUB community. Unfortunately, these topics remain taboo to this day, both in the workplace and in an educational context. This week, we not only aim to open up discussions on these subjects but also take action on how our university can provide the necessary care and meaning during times of serious illness and loss. We want to explore how all of us can contribute to a cultural shift where compassion and connection are central in our relationship with ourselves, our community, and our world.
An interview with Hanne Bakelants, a doctoral researcher at the COCO Expertise Center and affiliated with the 'End-of-Life Care' research group and the 'Society and Ageing Research Lab (SARLab).'
Hello Hanne, could you tell us more about the expertise center? What does COCO stand for?
In 2019, VUB established the Expertisecentrum Compassionate Communities, abbreviated as COCO. COCO consists of eight research groups and was inspired by Australian professor Allan Kellehear. Professor Kellehear has been advocating for open discussions about grief and loss for years and developed the Compassionate Communities model. The goal of COCO is to create a more compassionate society where communities have the capacity and knowledge to provide care and support to their members during times of serious illness, death, dying, and loss.
How can we, as VUB, anchor and evolve our value of being a 'Compassionate University' into a Compassionate Community?
To become a Compassionate University, VUB has already taken several steps. The Monument of Comfort was unveiled in 2019, and the voice of the VUB community was heard in discussions about possible actions, which were later formalized in an intention statement. Since then, a working group meets monthly to develop awareness-raising actions. This group is responsible for organizing the annual 'Moment of Comfort.' There have also been numerous symbolic actions, such as the 'empty chair' during the academic opening with Caroline Pauwels. Additionally, the working group facilitated a change in the expense reimbursement policy to make it easier to send a gesture of support to a colleague dealing with a long-term illness. COCO organizes various seminars, and a factsheet has been created for dealing with grief in the workplace and as a student.
Furthermore, it's important to consider how these themes can be integrated into existing programs and initiatives. Compassionate University is exploring how these topics can be included in gatekeeper training for faculties, services, and student associations. We've observed that these topics are often overlooked, and their integration doesn't happen automatically. They are also examining how more appropriate regulations can be established for students who experience loss during exams. Interviews reveal that many students don't request extensions because they find the process too complex and, as a result, simply take their exams, with all the consequences. For staff members, Compassionate University advocates for a more flexible policy, not necessarily for longer absences following a loss, but rather for a flexible application of leave policies. The biggest misconception about grief is that you must go through certain stages and then return to normal.
For your doctoral research, you study the processes and mechanisms that contribute to the development of successful Compassionate Communities. Do initiatives like Compassionate Week contribute to a better understanding and awareness of comfort and compassion?
Absolutely. Compassionate Week is about normalizing and discussing serious illness, death, grief, and loss within our university. This week provides a platform where people have the opportunity to talk about these topics and interact with colleagues and students. These are subjects that often go unspoken, especially in an academic context where the emphasis is on achievement. Conversations with staff members indicate that when they return to the workplace, loss is often experienced as a 'big elephant' in the room. Death is literally silenced. This makes people feel that their grief isn't allowed to exist. Students also mentioned that fellow students often don't know how to deal with it. Initiatives like Compassionate Week contribute to a greater understanding and awareness of the need for compassion and comfort during these challenging times. The activities are diverse, ranging from a comfort walk, seminars with grief experts, to a compassionate café, and an evening of comfort literature at Pilar. With these initiatives, we also want to convey the message that "you are not alone."
Finally, how do you personally express comfort and compassion?
Throughout my doctoral research, I've learned that you shouldn't be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. In the past, I would end conversations more quickly with phrases like "let me know if there's anything I can do" or the well-intentioned but unhelpful "stay strong." Now I understand that people in grief don't always have the energy to reach out themselves; everything takes a hundred times more effort. That's why it's better to ask concretely, "Is it okay if I call you tomorrow at 9 AM?" Additionally, words like "stay strong" or "condolences" don't say much. If I don't know what to say or am finding it difficult, I simply admit that. This way, you acknowledge the sorrow. And that's what it's about, naming the elephant in the room and openly addressing what's going on. Grief also lasts longer than people who continue with their lives might realize. I try to remember that anniversaries or days around the anniversary of someone's passing can be difficult. I note these days in my calendar and send a message to my loved ones then. It's these small gestures that, in my opinion, can make a big difference.
Check out the comprehensive and heartwarming program of Compassionate Week here.